Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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