Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Say something about gay babies.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
