I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think your dad took our porno
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
