I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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