She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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