oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
