So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize