just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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