neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
