I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
