break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
