I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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