Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
