Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
