Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
