his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
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