Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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