Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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