I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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