now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
