Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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