Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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