so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
