Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
