I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
