like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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