you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
