It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
