nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
