Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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