thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
