Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
