How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
