you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
