Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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