Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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