It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
