I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
