My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dicks are not precious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
