shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
