I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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