Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
