For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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