i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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