Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
