Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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