I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
