A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
