This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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