If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize