his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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