Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
