yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
