fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Randomize
