Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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