So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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