i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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