Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize