my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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