Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
