areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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