Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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